Mikaius celebrated his 25th birthday recently, and we decided to make one of his childhood dreams come true by going to Medieval Times‘ Toronto Castle! Their “About The Show” blurb explains the spectacle as Medieval Spain coming to life, and it is as wonderfully cheesy as you might think, complete with jousts, horses, a hawk, hand-to-hand combat… and the experience of calling your server a wench or a serf.
Dani: Exams ended at two o’clock in the afternoon for me, so we had an entire four hours before we actually needed to be at the Castle. We decided to take the long way and wander around for a little while. We hit up a frozen yogourt place, BMV, Seekers Books, and the Dufferin Organic Farmer’s Market, amongst other places. We also stopped by Popeye’s at the halfway point because I was starving – we shared the Thursday deal.
Mike: This was a real treat. A welcomed reprieve! Since I was a little, little kid, I’d see the banners from the CNE, I’d catch the commercials, I’d always ask and beg to go. The cost of it all meant I never got to. To actually get to go, for my 25th birthday, was the best. Going for a two hour walk that took us nearly four was just an added bonus. I love going for walks. I can, and we have, spent whole days walking. We dip into little book stores, into nooks and crannies that catch our eyes. It’s a wonderful experience and it has allowed me to see the city with fresh eyes.
Dani: He was so giddy throughout the entire experience that I think I had more fun just looking at him and giggling with him than actually watching the show – which was in itself pretty great! The food was more than enough for one person, or at least it was for me. You get half a roasted chicken, a portion of potatoes and sweet corn, a dessert, and unlimited refills on coffee and Pepsi. I think Mikaius enjoyed the gift shop the most though; I got him a sword as a keepsake for the night, and about 75% of our conversations while we were in the castle ended with the words, “I have a sword!” All in all, it was a great night.
Mike: That gift shop. Holy Hell, that gift shop! I know the point of Medieval Times is the show, but the moment I entered that gift shop, I was in Medieval Disney. It was so awesome! All these tacky, gimmicky, over-priced pieces of kitschy garbage that only a child can enjoy. A child, or an adult like me who still hasn’t let the LEGO-playing kid inside disappear. It was a night to eat half a chicken, stuff my face with a double portion of potatoes, and guzzle all the Pepsi I could while tearing off Dani’s knees because I was gripping them so hard with excitement.
The show was great, though. The knights were the kind of derpylooking long-haired doofs you wanted them to be, the master of ceremonies was a rambling, somehow funny herald and the king was British but the setting was Spain.
What else is there to say? Dudes go around on horses looking pompous, bad guy shows up and threatens the land, boos and cheers, chicken and Pepsi. Medieval Times is absolutely as advertised, and I cannot recommend it more. If your wallet can handle the hurdle, go. Just go! Buy a big stupid sword and wear a paper crown! Enjoy!