Earlier today, I was at my dentist and desperately wringing my hands together because being in the dentist’s chair makes me anxious and fidgety. While she was poking around in my open mouth and making (mostly) positive comments about the state that my teeth were in, I was trying my hardest not to squirm too much as she prodded my gums and teeth with pointy metal things. A couple of minutes into the unpleasant experience, my mind started drifting to happy thoughts to distract me from the buzzing sound of the tools in my mouth – and then, I realized bemusedly, a lot of my happy thoughts included Mikaius. I’m absolutely sure that adorable little corgi pups would have done the trick as well, but for more than a couple of minutes, I was thinking about how his adorable stupid grin makes my heart race. June is Mikaius’ birth month (and on an entirely unrelated note, my Dad’s as well). I wanted to write a few things about him, to celebrate his birth. My world has been sunshiny-er, not to mention a lot better, ever since he came into my life. I love you, you dork.
If I had to describe what I want in a person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, it would go like this: I want somebody that I am excited to come home to after a long and exhausting shift at my part-time job. Someone I will not mind hugging when I’m all stinky from the pickles and the ketchup and the onions and coffee that I’m tasked with prepping all day, and someone who won’t mind hugging me. I want a man who will be a large part of my happy thoughts, even if he isn’t the entirety of my happiness. I want the man who loves me for me, but also makes me want to better myself in every possible way. Mikaius is this, and more. He has made me want to stay on my medication and not lapse a day because I’m looking forward to spending the next fifty to sixty years with him in a relatively healthy state. Mikaius makes me want to be nicer, gentler, better. In everything I do, in work or at school, he makes me want to push through and get everything done beautifully, because I know that he is waiting on the other side.
He has allowed me to very, very slowly begin to heal from the trauma of my childhood and my teen years, and not once has he forced the healing process. He makes me feel okay about being sad, to not feel awful about accepting kindnesses, and allowed me to feel the frustration when things don’t go the way I planned them to. He gives me the space that I need to breathe. Somehow, in a manner that is almost otherworldly, he knows exactly how to treat me at any given time and in any given situation. Whether he accepts it or not as truth, Mikaius has wrought a lot of good in my life. He believes in me – and he believes in me utterly, without a shade of doubt. He believes that I can do whatever it is that I set out to do, and he will be beside me encouraging me while I’m doing it. We have been with each other for a year and four months, and there have been no fights. There have been disagreements, for sure, and on a couple of occasions we have agreed to disagree (because really, Mikaius, how the fuck can you not think that Angelina Jolie is anything but stunning?), but we have never fought.
Some of our best days are when we sit in bed eating chips and chicharon and playing Mario and Donkey Kong for hours. We make popsicles out of fruit juice, fizzy drinks, and bottled Starbucks coffee-things. We make mashed potatoes, smashed potatoes (guys they’re really really good), we make grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon strips. He makes the best omelettes this side of Canada. We take long walks with Slurpees and iced coffees in our hands. Mikaius is the person that I can do anything with – except maybe watch the new X-Men movie, which he despises with all of his black heart. Love is a wonderful thing. It lets me know that I can come home to him, hair stinking of fries and hands stained with the lingering stench of pickles, and he will meet me at the door with a hug and a kiss. Love assures me that there is somebody who believes that I will achieve my dreams and aspirations, and that if I crash and burn, he will be there to plan a different path with me. I’m very lucky, I think. I’ve found my person. And if I am half as good for him as he is for me, I will be a happy little pig. Happy 24th birthday, my love. I’ve been around for two, I hope to be around for many more. You give me hope. Thank you. Salamat for all that you do.